(Be warned. Here there be nerds. I know it’s been a while since I posted and yadda yadda and I’ll be back soon enough to tell you what’s been going on and what else I’ve been doing besides entertaining you and kicking out summer movie reviews and things I should have been doing here, but I’ve been inspired by the Facebook posts of a good friend of mine to think about this and I’d rather write it here than anywhere else. If you’re not prepared for extreme comic book/pop-culture nerdity, then hit me back later when I’m off the subject. Or, stick around and be educated on some awesome.)
Recently, a friend of mine has been posting images on Facebook of fan-made crossovers between other comics/fiction and DC’s Emotional Spectrum. Click the link and read for some education if you don’t know what I’m talking about.
This prompted me to want to post something I’ve wanted to do for a while. See, during the Blackest Night, all of the different Lantern Corps deputized a handful of different heroes and villains to help them in the final battle. This meant we had a chance to see how awesome it would be if the entire Emotional Spectrum could draw from the existing DC Universe to have them be ring-bearers. This was a giant comic book nerdgasm that made one think about who would best represent these emotions.. It really started when years earlier the Sinestro Corps (yellow lanterns of fear), during their initial drive for numbers, tried to recruit Batman to represent sector 2814 (where Earth be, foo) because he had the ability to instill great fear. When Batman refused (but wore the costume for an awesome 30 seconds or so), the ring sought out the Scarecrow before being stopped by a few Green Lanterns as it was en route to him.
So, I thought, if you were able to recruit one member for each Corps based on their emotion, who would it be? Well, here’s my list and my justifications. Maybe even some runners-up. Feel free to add your own to the bottom. This should be something awesome for at least three of us to debate.
Red Lanterns (Rage): The Hulk
Bruce Banner of Earth, you possess great rage. You belong to the Red Lantern Corps.
This one is kind of a gimmie. I mean, if your theme is anger, why wouldn’t you want someone who gets proportionately stronger as he grows angrier? Technically, we’ve already sorta seen what the Red Lantern Hulk would look like thanks to the whole Red Hulk storyline. Remember also that when you become a Lantern, you retain the rest of your super abilities. What kind of engine of destruction is the Hulk going to be when the red energy begins circulating rage like blood through his circulatory system (that shit happens, look it up)and spewing flaming red energy from its mouth. Yeah. That fucker is going to eat you.
Runners up: Wolverine, Me, Norman Osborne, Lewis Black
Orange Lanterns (Greed): Bender
Bender Bending Rodriguez of Earth, you want it all. You belong to the Orange Lantern Corps.
Is there any greedier character in all of fiction? I’m sure some could challenge Bender, but right here, I’m telling you they can all bite his shiny orange ass. With his two hands, grabby and squeezy, Bender is sure to put Larfleeze’s stash to shame once he gets his hands on an orange ring.
Runners up: Daffy Duck (MINE MINE MINE!), Eric Cartman, Scrooge McDuck
Sinestro Corps (Yellow, Fear): Darth Vader
Anakin Skywalker of Tattooine, you have the ability to instill great fear. Welcome to the Sinestro Corps.
Yeah, there are a million horror movie characters you could slip the yellow ring on and have them do an alright job. If you’re talking fear on a galactic level, it’s all about Vader.
Remember watching Star Wars for the first time? Remember how relieved you were in A New Hope when the doors shut on Vader after he kills Obi-Wan? Remember how you felt when the Falcon swooped into the trench and sent Vader spinning when he was all alone down there with Luke? Did you jump when he showed up at dinner in Cloud City in Empire like a fucking boss? He was the face of the Empire. He inspired respect in his people through fear and intimidation. Put a yellow ring on him and Sinestro himself will shake.
Runners up: Freddie Kruger, Hunter S. Thompson, Galactus
Green Lantern (Will): Captain America
Steve Rodgers of Earth, you have the ability to resist great fear. Welcome to the Green Lantern Corps.
Of all the Lanterns, it’s especially difficult to come up with one who could join the Green Lantern Corps. Will isn’t really an emotion as much as a state of mind, but if there is anyone who I think could resist great fear and fights with all of his will outside of the DC Universe, it’s Captain Steve Rodgers.
Dude has gone toe-to-toe with Doom, Thanos, the Beyonder, Ultron, et al, armed only with a shield, his wits, and some super soldier serum. If that’s not the ability to resist great fear, I don’t know what is. Rodgers has nuts that are made up of the same material as his shield (adamantium-vibranium alloy for those playing at home). For that alone, he gets the green ring.
Runners Up: Optimus Prime, Spider-Man, Harry Potter
Blue Lantern (Hope): Yuna (Final Fantasy X/X2)
Yuna of Spira, you have the ability to instill great hope. Welcome to the Blue Lantern Corps. All will be well.
Really, her whole job throughout the entirety of Final Fantasy X was to make her pilgrimage and inspire hope along the way. With every Aeon she acquires, she gives hope to the people of Spira that the threat of Sin will soon recede into her Great Calm. Aeons plus healing magic plus Blue Lantern Ring. Imagine a blue energy manifestation of Bahamut. I know the blue rings don’t really work that way, but still… how badass would that be?
Runners up: Aeris Gainsboro (FFVII), Leia Organa
Indigo Tribe (Compassion): ????
Well, I couldn't come up with anything good for the Indigo Tribe. They don't really have an active "recruitment" and, from everything we've seen in the comics, they're all sort of reformed convicts paying a penance for something they've done more than an actual "corps" like the rest of the lanterns. I think it's more about them picking you. They are super badass, but I can't think of anyone who would be outright compassionate enough to get right in.
Star Sapphires (Violet, Love): Ramona Flowers
Ramona Flowers of Earth, you have great love in your heart. Welcome to the Star Sapphires.
7 evil exes were spurned by her and became the nemeses of Scott Pilgrim. She has inspired love in the hearts of many but, in the end, came back for the one for whom she truly cared. And she has a subspace purse with a giant hammer in it.
Ramona is, apparently, the hottest thing to ever appear in the Scott Pilgrim universe and she can handle her own in a fight. She’s the ideal candidate for a violet ring. I’d like to see this one drawn by Bryan Lee O’Malley.
Runners up: Princess Peach, Sailor Moon, Jean Grey
Black Lantern Corps (death): Voldemort
Tom Marvolo Riddle… RISE.
Tell me that concept doesn’t just make you shit your pants. Voldemort, as badass as he ever was, with a fucking black lantern ring. EVIL. Just pure EVIL.
I know other characters, namely Vader, are also technically “dead” by their canon, but this would probably be the absolute scariest Black Lantern resurrection of ALL TIME.
To the few of you interested, let me know your opinions. To those who don’t care, I’ll be back with something relevant soon.